Last night I felt so bad, I lay on the sofa for about three hours solid. At first I started to feel bad about feeling bad (?!) but then wrote an honest account of the past two and a half weeks. On reading it, I gasped, ‘Well, that’s why!’ and let myself damn well feel bad and watch ‘Parks and Recreation’ re-runs.
How do YOU feel come December? Do you revel in the preparations for festivities and family time? Are you gathering leaves for a wreath and folding heavy fruited Christmas cakes away in greaseproof paper and linen? Are you writing cards to loved ones and lighting candles at night?
Or are there sombre sensations like loss or pain, the knocking in your chest that lets you know your beautiful heart is still struggling to heal?
This year has been one of great upheavals. Every person in my life has experienced challenge and change, violent shake-ups to their preconceived ideas of where their life was heading.
Many of my friends are experiencing their Saturn Returns, that time in which the walls of your life come crumbling down and, after a long period of settling dust, you notice the green shoots of a wild garden at your feet, reaching for the new found sun. Saturn Returns demands you prioritise, reset and listen to the calling of your deepest self. It is tough, it can be painful, but the pearls that lie before you if you go with it are unimaginable in their beauty.
For me, this year has involved unfolding Wild and Good as a nutritional and spiritual health service, a surprise pregnancy, an accompanying pregnancy scare that is currently under investigation, 4 house moves, the gift of land in Rarotonga, the receipt of my permanent residency here in New Zealand and the wedding of my brother (two situations that cement the fact we will always live in separate hemispheres), approaching the final four months of my PhD thesis, deep healing of way back psychological damage related to physical illness and great progression along my own personal spiritual path. Wowee!
Every single dramatic event has been a teacher, but in order to let the lessons penetrate, after this last full moon of 2014, stillness and reflection are now required.
The themes of my lessons seem to be home, family and connection to my truth.
Being a dedicated nomad doesn’t seem to quite fit me any more and I mean that both in a physical globe-trotting sense, but also in a ‘character nomad’ sense. I’m one of those people whose previous setting was to make people happy and feel good whatever it took. So I would always be Loveday, but you might, in all honesty, get a special kind of Loveday that had been made just for you. It feels like a home finding and a homecoming is in effect for me now, both literally and metaphorically.
What might your themes be? Are you willing to journal out what has gone on for you this year and to tease out the trajectory of your learning?
I’d recommend lying down to do this. It’s documented that this position releases more creativity and truth and, heck, it’s how Matisse painted many of his final masterpieces!
Then simply let go and let flow.
If you feel overwhelmed when faced with the whole year, cast your mind back month by month and allow what pops into your head to come out, uncensored.
Re-read with the kindest of hearts in a state of complete non-judgement. This is YOU, your life, your lessons. Be patient and loving with yourself and allow the messages to make themselves known to you.
Now write down what you think the key themes of 2014 have been for you in terms of development. You can do this by assessing the areas of your life in which you experienced the most challenge, upheaval or joy. Keep these themes in mind for your future reflections and use them as a sort of guidance system that will keep you feeling peaceful and at ease during December.
This is not about making resolutions or setting intentions for the next year; it is about listening to your life and connecting with your soul, for there lies your greatest teacher.
Happy reflecting, magical ones xxx