You’ve been granted a fairytale wish. Not three this time, just one. You’ve been offered a chance for some serious transformational assistance but where to begin? You’re quaking, sort of arrhythmic, flighty and heavy before a dispersing constellation of possibilities.
(Know the wish stands on the other side of your human fears. Know the wish comes with a condition – total surrender to how it unfolds in your life, then whisper it in ink.)
Work from the inside out is the lesson I’m repeatedly learning from work colleagues and dancer friends. So, rather than an external wish: ‘to get the funding we applied for,’ or ‘to finish a (good) manuscript,’ I’m writing down some of the feelings I wish to have daily to realise an intention for this upcoming ‘at home’ healing retreat.
It’s true, your feelings are a constantly shifting terrain and the articulation and embodiment of them will always be shot through by the environment you are within, but some well-spring feelings are multiply resonant across contexts. They develop and flex and alter tone, but at base they remain constant. They fit us. Like love.
Uncovering the feelings you wish to have is useful for writing intentions but also, having an idea of how you wish to feel informs what you do daily.
Knowing the feeling that is driving the grand abstract things you want to be and do leads you to make little daily life decisions in congruence with that feeling.
‘To create with stillness, vitality and compassion’ might translate into writing a scrap of a poem on the bus or rolling on the floor while listening to Nick Cave very loudly. It might mean a simple appreciation of a still moment spent noticing the lights of the world.
If your feeling is more like ‘to be courageous’, a daily life decision might be to arrange a meeting with that inspiring, slightly terrifying person that might unlock dormant parts of your self; or speaking up in a work environment you find it challenging to be expressive in.
‘To feel heard’ might first entail making a habit of listening to your self and others with no judgement; thereafter allowing space for your true voice to emerge – because that, that, will always be listened to. It might not even require a human listener if your daily act is opening your throat to the stars.
These little incremental acts of radical daily empowerment and alignment with your true self will open a pathway of greater and clearer joy and self-realisation. They will also create a store of resilience that you can refer back to in times of doubt or weariness.
That actually happened –
I shared my gift in front of friends
I really did divert a potentially huge argument into a moment of togetherness and understanding,
I climbed out of bed at my worst and offered service just as I was that time before so I can do it again.
And those acts made me feel the way I want to – courageous, loved, spontaneous, grounded – so I might just keep on doing them, even if it’s scary.
Working through how you want to feel daily and translating that into small actions creates a space of permission and an honouring of your feelings and essentially your self. That flows out into affording the same to others.
Be the feelings that fit you. Act on the deep and constant urgings and then there is nothing to be healed.
Thank you so much for being here reading this work in progress. If you feel moved, do share your feelings and thoughts in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you. xx
(Drawn from reading Lisa Robertson’s Nilling, Danielle La Porte’s The Desire Map and from work with Belinda Davidson, who is heading up this global healing retreat.)